His One And Only Love
by Albino Peacock
Summary: DH spoilers. Hermione finds Snape sitting at Lily's grave and decides to save his life. Oneshot, perhaps. SSHG. AU.


**Disclaimer:** Not mine, obviously. J.K. Rowling owns it all. Although, I really wish I did.

**A/N: **So basically this takes place when Harry and Hermione go to Godric's Hollow in the Deathly Hallows. I do wish something like this _did_ happen, but it didn't so I decided to make up for it myself, for my own amusement. This will most likely be a one-shot but who knows, I might turn it into something more. Enjoy, and do tell me what you think. :)

* * *

He was kneeling in front of the white marble as the snow fell heavily and covered him from head to toe. The clothes he was wearing did nothing to protect him from the cold. He shivered; a chill ran through his body. Hours had past, his body was protesting, it felt numb. The blood in his veins had frozen as he'd sat in the same position for Merlin knows how long. But he didn't care; he was so used to pain. He stopped caring years ago. This is it. Everything was going to end now. All his suffering and pain were going to end, and hopefully he'll find the happiness that he'd been so longing for throughout his miserable life. 

It was a cowardly thing, he knew. _But y__ou are a __coward_, said a bitter voice inside him. He nodded helplessly and picked up the glass bottle. The green potion swam inside it. Memories ran through his mind as he contemplated his life. Dumbledore didn't want him to do this. But that old, ungrateful man only cared because he wanted him to complete his mission. He stared down at the little bottle with a look of hatred, fear and disgust. This should have happened years ago.

_Do __it_, encouraged the voice in his head. _Potter doesn't need you__, no one does_.

He shut his eyes as the snow began to subside, whereas the pain inside him grew rapidly. Everything in his body ached, nothing could possibly relieve him from this pain, except… death. It was the only answer to his problems. Grief had taken over him; he was oblivious to his surroundings. He failed to hear the soft footsteps coming close.

"Lily…" he whispered in the darkness. That simple name broke him; the sob he'd been containing finally released itself. It overwhelmed him. Tears streamed down his pale face, he let go of his fierce guard. The mask of indifference he'd worn throughout his life shattered as his emotions burst out of their shell.

"One chance… I only need one chance… to look into your eyes before I do this," he said to himself, whimpering.

He slowly opened his eyes and lifted his hand to the headstone. He stroked the words _Lily Potter _that were engraved on it. He sighed as he wiped the tears off his face and rose to his feet. He felt absolute disgust with himself for allowing such weak emotion to control him.

He saw a movement in the corner of his eye but paid no attention to it. Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, he finally wrenched the stopper off the glass bottle.

"Who are you?" whispered a soft voice behind him. He ignored it and lifted the bottle up to his shivering lips.

"No!" said the female voice. He felt angry. He put the stopper back on the bottle as he carefully took out his wand from his cloak to hex the living daylights out of whomever it was that had interrupted him.

His eyes went wide as he caught sight of who it was. He gasped in shock and stumbled back a little. He could make out only a little in the darkness but what he was seeing sent his pulse racing. _No, no, it couldn't __be!_

"Professor Snape?" said the voice in surprise and fear.

He could not believe it, he stepped forward a little.

"Lily?" he croaked.

The figure stepped back in horror as he moved a lot closer. She shook her head vigorously.

"No – what are you talking about, sir – what are you doing here?"

He whisked his wand around to cast a Silencing spell around them. Then, he laughed. It wasn't humorous; it was cold and bitter, emotionless.

"Are you here to stop me?" he whispered, suddenly in anger.

She was absolutely confused. Hermione Granger looked around in fear and wondered where Harry was. She glanced back at Severus Snape and backed further away. The sight of him made her skin crawl. What on earth was he doing here – and why was he calling her _Lily_? Surely he would have recognized her?

As he walked closer towards her, Hermione saw how red his eyes and nose were. Had he been crying? The thought of a crying Snape bewildered her. His face was so pale that it somewhat illuminated in the darkness. He looked so… hollow. She'd never seen her Professor in such a state before.

Hermione reached for her wand, but before she had the chance to take it out, Snape had suddenly pounced upon her. She lost balanced and fell; she found herself backed into a headstone. Snape was sitting on his knees in front of her.

"Sir, please, let me go!" she said as she tried to push him off, but he was too strong and didn't move an inch. Her arms were uncomfortably cramped behind her. She felt helpless as she hoped for Harry to find her soon. Snape's actions horrified her. His face was so close to hers, she felt his heavy breathing on her skin.

"Professor, it's me, Herm –" she stuttered but Snape was shaking his head. He gripped her shoulders and shook her with such force that she screamed. But she knew no one could hear her. Her eyes watered and soon, tears were making their way down her cheeks.

"Why are you here, Lily?" he hissed. How could _she_ be here? Did she really love him enough to stop him from ending his worthless life? He must be dreaming, he must've dozed off… but she looked – no, she _felt_ – so real. He breathed in her sweet scent.

"Tell me," he said, as though he were begging, "Tell me, please, is it really you?"

Hermione gazed at him, she had never been so unsure of her position; she had no control over the ridiculous and horrifying situation that she was in. _He must've been in love with her_, she thought. She wondered if Harry knew… it was unbelievable.

"I –" she hesitated, "yes, it's me," she replied, her body shaking. Hermione strangely felt certain that he was not going to inflict any harm on her. She glanced at the small bottle thrown nearby and realised that she was right in stopping him from drinking the potion. _But why would he want to kill __himself?_ she thought. Perhaps he felt guilty for murdering Dumbledore?

Snape sighed heavily. He was sure he was in a land of fantasy, but he felt like he should savour every moment of it before he slipped back into reality to do what he had thought so long of doing.

"I'm sorry, Lily… for everything."

Hermione stayed silent. The unbelievably strong emotion in his voice made the hairs on her skin stand. She felt so mystified. Was this actually the Snape that she'd known throughout six years of her life?

"I didn't mean to – he promised me – he promised that he won't touch you!" he cried, staring at Hermione, desperately trying to justify all the bad things he'd done in life. His greasy black hair fell like curtains on each side of his face. She'd never seen such a look on him before.

"Forgive me, please… say it," he pleaded. Hermione felt like anything she might say would kill him. He was so helpless, so hopeless.

"But… it wasn't your fault," she said tentatively. Snape laughed again, the same empty and eerie laugh.

"It is! It is; I sold you to the Dark Lord! He only wanted your boy, why did you interfere?"

Hermione felt a sudden burst of rage.

"So him trying to murder Harr – my son was alright with you?" she asked, fuming.

"I didn't mean – no, Lily, please… I'm sorry," he said weakly.

"No, you're not. You hated James, I bet you laughed when you heard that he was killed!" said Hermione furiously.

"I didn't," replied Snape, shaking his head. His face was overcome with guilt. They both fell silent. Snape was watching Hermione intently and she couldn't bear to hold his gaze. Pain soared through her arms as she tried to release them. Snape saw her struggle and leaned back a little. Hermione freed her hands, they fell onto his thighs. She gasped and pulled them back. Hermione wondered whether she could reach for her wand without him noticing, but he was watching her so closely that she knew she wouldn't get away with it. He glanced down at her hands and then back to her face.

His eyes looked out of focus and Hermione tried to push him away. Snape instantly grabbed both her hands and held them strongly in his. He leaned forward. "Is this a dream?" he whispered in her ear, his cold lips stroking her skin. Hermione didn't reply, she'd never felt so uncomfortable in her life.

"Do you remember our days at Hogwarts?" he asked.

Then suddenly he let go of her hands and stared deeply into her brown eyes. Hermione wondered if he was under the Imperius Curse… or was he simply drunk? The Snape she knew would never do this… he'd never touch Hermione in such a way. What if… what if it was someone else who'd taken Polyjuice Potion? The situation seemed so bizarre.

"Lily…" said Snape. Hermione's eyes met his black ones, she felt like she could get lost in their darkness.

"Yes?" she whispered, her voice cracking under the fear and bewilderment she felt. And then, without any warning, she felt Snape's freezing lips crush painfully onto hers. She tried with all her might to push him back but it was no use, he was too powerful. Hermione felt disgusted. She didn't move her lips. Snape's hand made its way behind her head as it dug through her hair. The more she struggled, the more forceful he got. But finally as she stopped struggling, he pulled away, panting slightly.

"Pro –!"

"I know this is a dream… this must be… please, don't leave me again!" He held on to Hermione as if his life depended on it. He looked so mad; Hermione wondered if he was finally losing it.

"But sir –"

"Say my name," he said.

She hesitated. "S – Severus, I'm not…"

Hermione's word died as Snape's lips were on hers once again. He pulled her into his lap, with one hand on her hip and the other holding her head in place.

"Kiss me," he pleaded, his lips moving against hers. _Maybe he'll let you go if you do what he says._ Hermione closed her eyes, her heart's quick beat pounded against her chest. She never thought, not in a million years, that she'd find herself in this state.

Snape leaned in. This time, his kiss was somewhat gentle. Hermione finally made up her mind, and she nervously began to move her lips against his. _Oh my god, what would Ron and Harry say?_ she thought. _They wouldn't believe this! Oh, this is horrible__, what the hell is going on?_

She felt Snape's tongue fighting for entrance. Hermione shuddered, but as she parted her lips to breathe, it slipped in.

It was a nightmare, it was awful. She'd never done anything like this before. And finally, after what seemed to be hours to Hermione, even though it was only minutes, Snape pulled back. Hermione hastily wiped her mouth against her sleeve. It would take her years to get rid of his taste…

"Thank you," he murmured as he dropped his hands to his lap and stared at them. Hermione glanced down at him, she saw a relieved look on his face; he looked so much happier than he was a few moments ago. He muttered something softly. Hermione couldn't make out what it was and he slowly raised his eyes to look back at her.

They instantly grew wide and he jumped abruptly to his feet. Hermione fell back and hit her head on the headstone. He opened his mouth but nothing came out; he was speechless as he stared down at the girl in disbelief. It suddenly dawned on him what he had just done. His grief had overtaken his senses… how could he have been so foolish enough to mistake Lily Evans for…

"Miss – _Miss Granger_?"


End file.
